LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR 2008 ST. LOUIS RAMS

Former UFC champ Tony T. swaps his spandex and padded gloves for the whistle and the zebra stripes

KING OF THE WORDS?

Is that local scombridae?

BEST BASEMENT DUNKER ON YOUTUBE.

Steve Blake doesn't have a chance against this kid.

TOTALLY GETTIN' LAID TONIGHT!

BURNED! OHH, STEVE.......

Steve Nash can help the environment and have a good time too! Harf, harf, harf....

GET YOUR OWN FANTASY FOOTBALL TROPHY!

If your fantasy football league wants to step it up, have everyone thrown down $300 for possibly the best way to celebrate your loserdomness. theultimatetrophy.com

Celebrate your flag football or fantasy football championship in style with the Ultimate Fantasy Football Trophy ($300 and up). Handcrafted from solid wood in designs resembling the Super Bowl trophy, these unique awards can be customized with the commissioner’s signature, roman numerals, Swarovski crystals, and more.

I GUESS HE ATE TOO MANY CHILDREN?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SPORTS?

The sports will be back soon... we hope. The Localtuna brass are reviewing the game plan fussiness business model, and we'll be back in a gif (GET IT?) In the mean time, go watch the video two posts ago.

LOCALTUNA UP IN OHS?

WAIT...WAIT... WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

I've seen a lot of weird shit on the internet but, wow... this is something. It's not gross, it's just bizarre amazing. Just watch.




"I not only love him for a sexual attraction; I mean, we're not talking about fetish here."

We did a little more digging here, and THIS is her youtube channel. Be careful in there, it really sucked me in. I think I'm starting to get a little objectum sexuality going on too. Read the comments on THIS video (which is another gem) by neoadhocism, they're pretty special and the fact the she responses to the comments just takes it to another level.

GRAHAM HARRELL STOLE MY SWEATER.

Yes, it's true. That's Texas Tech Heisman candidate in a wonderful Christmas photo.

BARRY SANDERS JR IS HERE!

Well, it looks as if the genes of Barry Sanders have been passed onto his son and given him the ability to run like his father. He's only a high school freshman and he can run like that? So, everyone let's get really excited over this video and hype this kid up. Let's make it so he can never live up to the expectations.

VIRAL, VIRAL, VIRAL...

Videogum has put together a look back on the best viral videos of 2008.

WORD, SON.

Just another wingsuit BASE jumping video. Call me crazy, but I prefer to jump bed to bed at hotels. The one's we stay at when we're on localtuna assignments always have huge gaps.

"THERE IT IS! THERE IT IS... NO! RUN! NO....AWWW MAN."

The artificial turf at Liberty University's Arthur L. Williams Stadium was covered in a thin blanket of snow for the Virginia Division 4 state championship game on Saturday, so when running back T.J. Peeler broke free toward the endzone he got a little confused. He pulled up just short of paydirt and—believing he had already scored—gently set the ball down on the five-yard line. Alert players from the opposing team pounced on the ball and the scoring drive was over. Oops!

LOCALTUNA!

COMPLETE AWE.

Douche biker gets ticker for speeding, tries to fight it, continues douching in court. Really makes a strong campaign to be in the top five douche all time list. Keep with it all the way, the end is the best part.

LOCALTUNA!

SNOWKITE.

For about thirty five seconds all I could think was how lame snowkiting was, and then, for the next minute all I could think was how bad I wanted to see this broski fall from about 150-200 feet in the air.

I like how they act like Malik Bouchenafa actually accomplished something here.

Malik Bouchenafa, hero.

LOCALTUNA!

I've always thought of myself as a creative guy. Whenever my friends in the Star Wars novel-reading club schedule a Sunday-night Star Wars viewing party, I like to get into the spirit of things by dressing up in a theme outfit. And, of course, a big part of the excitement is dressing up my pet Cocker Spaniel, Nikto, as a character from the films or expanded universe, too.

theonion.com

WORD OF THE DAY.

Plaxident

Main Entry: plax*i*dent
Pronunciation: [what they have, plus "pl" on front of first syllable]
Function: noun

1: An act of stupidity that costs you $35 million.

SOURCE

236.com

RICKEY! RICKEY! RICKEY!

David Cross and I are both happy to see Rickey Henderson finally on the ballot for the Hall of Fame. Rickey has some classic quotes and stories. Well, here is the 25 greatest Rickey stories out there.

This list comes from the 2006 edition of Fantistic. Fantistic didn't compile the qoutes though, some loser blogger did. Those loser bloggers.

Lou Blasi of Fantistics wrote: "The following stories come from a blog post I ran across last month. I wish I knew who collected and posted his top 25 Rickey stories so I could give him credit. As it is all I can do is thank him for the memories."

1) In June 1999, when Henderson was playing with the Mets, he saw reporters running around the clubhouse before a game. He asked a teammate what was going on and he was told that Tom Robson, the team’s hitting coach, had just been fired. Henderson said, “Who’s he?”

2) Rickey... on referring to himself in the third person:
“Listen, people are always saying, ‘Rickey says Rickey.’ But it’s been blown way out of proportion. People might catch me, when they know I’m ticked off, saying, ‘Rickey, what the heck are you doing, Rickey?’ They say, ‘Darn, Rickey, what are you saying Rickey for? Why don’t you just say, ‘I?’ But I never did. I always said, ‘Rickey,’ and it became something for people to joke about.”

3) In the early 1980s, the Oakland A’s accounting department was freaking out. The books were off $1 million. After an investigation, it was determined Rickey was the reason why. The GM asked him about a $1 million bonus he had received and Rickey said instead of cashing it, he framed it and hung it on a wall at his house.

4) In 1996, Henderson’s first season with San Diego, he boarded the team bus and was looking for a seat. Steve Finley said, “You have tenure, sit wherever you want.” Henderson looked at Finley and said, “Ten years? Ricky’s been playing at least 16, 17 years.”

5) This one might be my second favorite. This wasn’t too long ago, I think it was the year he ended up playing with the Red Sox. Anyway, he called San Diego GM Kevin Towers and left the following message: “This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”

6) This one happened in Seattle. Rickey struck out and as the next batter was walking past him, he heard Henderson say, “Don’t worry, Rickey, you’re still the best.”

7) Rickey once asked a teammate how long it would take him to drive to the Dominican Republic.

8) Moments after breaking Lou Brock’s stolen base record, Henderson told the crowd – with Brock mere feet next to him – “Lou Brock was a great base stealer, but today, I am the greatest of all-time.”

9) Henderson once fell asleep on an ice pack and got frostbite – which forced him to miss three games — in mid-August.

10) A reporter asked Henderson if Ken Caminiti’s estimate that 50 percent of Major League players were taking steroids was accurate. His response was, “Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”

11) Henderson broke Ty Cobb’s career record for runs scored with a home run. After taking his usual 45 seconds or so around the bases, Rickey slid into home plate.

12) On being Nolan Ryan’s 5,000th career strikeout: “It gave me no chance. He (Ryan) just blew it by me. But it’s an honor. I’ll have another paragraph in all the baseball books. I’m already in the books three or four times.”

13) San Diego GM Kevin Towers was trying to contact Rickey at a nearby hotel. He knew Henderson always used fake names to avoid the press, fans, etc. He was trying to think like Rickey and after several attempts; he was able to get Henderson on the phone.

Rickey had checked in under Richard Pryor.

14) I didn’t believe this one at first. However, I emailed a few contacts within the Sox organization and they claim it actually happened. This is priceless, it really is.

The morning after the Sox finished off their 2004 World Series sweep against St. Louis, Henderson called someone in the organization looking for tickets to Game 6 at Fenway Park.

15) The Mets were staying in a hotel less than a mile from Cinergy Field in Cincinnati. While some players walked, most took the team bus. A few minutes after they arrived — again it was less than a mile – the last players off the bus noticed a stretched limo that had just pulled up.

Of course, Rickey emerged from the back seat.

16) A reporter once asked Rickey if he talked to himself, “Do I talk to myself? No, I just remind myself of what I’m trying to do. You know, I never answer myself so how can I be talking to myself?”

17) OK, I know everyone has been waiting for it. Alas, according to both parties involved, it’s not true. I wish it were. Heck, both Rickey Henderson and John Olerud have said they wish it were true. But it just didn’t happen.

The story went that a few weeks into Henderson’s stint with the Mariners, he walked up to Olerud at the batting cage and asked him why he wore a batting helmet in the field. Olerud explained that he had an aneurysm at nine years old and he wore the helmet for protection. Legend goes that Henderson said, “Yeah, I used to play with a guy that had the same thing.” Legend also goes that Olerud said, “That was me, Rickey.”

Henderson played with Olerud on the Blue Jays and the Mets.

18) Rickey was asked if he had the Garth Brooks album with Friends in Low Places and Henderson said, “Rickey doesn’t have albums. Rickey has CDs.”

19) During a contract holdout with Oakland in the early 1990s, Henderson said, “If they want to pay me like Mike Gallego, I’ll play like Gallego.”

20) In the late 1980s, the Yankees sent Henderson a six-figure bonus check. After a few months passed, an internal audit revealed the check had not been cashed. Current Yankees GM Brian Cashman – then a low-level nobody with the organization – called Rickey and asked if there was a problem with the check. Henderson said, “I’m just waiting for the money market rates to go up.”

21) This is my all-time favorite. Rickey was pulled over by a San Diego police officer for speeding. As the officer was approaching Rickey’s car, the window went down a few inches and a folded $100 bill emerged. The officer let Rickey and his money head home without a ticket.

22) When he was on the Yankees in the mid-1980s, Henderson told teammates that his condo had such a great view that he could see, “The Entire State Building.”

23) During one of his stays with Oakland, Henderson’s locker was next to Billy Beane’s. After making the team out of spring training, Beane was sent to the minors after a few months. Upon his return, about six weeks later, Henderson looked at Beane and said, “Hey, man, where have you been? Haven’t seen you in awhile.”

24) To this day and dating back 25 years, before every game he plays, Henderson stands completely naked in front of a full length locker room mirror and says, “Ricky’s the best,” for several minutes.

25) In the last week of his lone season with the Red Sox, Chairman Tom Werner asked Henderson what he would like for his ‘going-away’ gift. Henderson said he wasn’t going anywhere, but he would like owner John Henry’s Mercedes. Werner said it would be tough to get the same make and model in less than a week and Henderson said, “No, I want his car.” Turns out the Sox got Henderson a Red Thunderbird and when he saw it on the field before the last game of the season, Rickey said, “Whose ugly car is on the field?”

SOMEBODY GET A MEDIC!

You've probably have seen this video of Derrick Rose breaking the ankels of Andre Miller already, but the Bulls announcers really add to it. Plus, why not watch it again?

HUMANS MAKE GOOD DARTBOARDS?

This guy makes a good, lumpy dartboard. He's also an idiot, but it'd be nice to have him on the team... just to fuck with him. Your lumpy team that is. Lumpy.



I'm not sure to be proud of myself, or be extremely dissapointed with the fact that the only audible words I could string together were "dirty sanchez". I don't even think this guy knows what a dirty sanchez is. He might know what a lumpy sanchez is.

SHOCKING: ANOTHER WNBA TEAM FOLDS.

I don't get it? Who doesn't want to sit in an arena on a beautiful August day with fifteen other fans to watch, you know, womens basketball?

WNBA

Orender says new owners couldn't be found for Houston franchise: WNBA President Donna Orender said the franchise that won the league's first four championships is disbanding.

Orender said the league-owned Houston Comets would be shut down because new owners couldn't be found.

"My outlook is to build on the fact that the league has great momentum and in Houston we didn't have the enough runway to get a deal done in time for the 2009 season," she said.

NBA Houston Rockets owner Leslie Alexander, the original owner of the Comets, sold the team to Houston businessman Hilton Koch last year. The WNBA took over the Comets earlier this year and began a search for a new owner.

Orender did not rule out a team returning to Houston. She said a dispersal draft for Houston players would be held next week.

The Comets won the first four WNBA titles, from 1997 to 2000.

SOURCE.

I think fellow blogger, wendellwallace.wordpress.com, sums it up for most LT! staff members. Read his piece on the WNBA. YOUR PRODUCT SUCKS!!!