SWEET. I GOT THIS... OH SHIT.

How was your day Rover?

RUFF

I know what you mean. Mine was no barrel of monkeys either.




From last weekend's Woofstock festival in Toronto.

CHEERLEADER TAKES A BALL TO THE FACE.

"I did the same thing to a cheerleader, but instead of a basketball it was gonorrhea."

YOU HAVE SALMON HEAD FOR SOUP?

'Cuz that's MY side-boob. Bear with this video for a couple minutes (Where's the Bear '08?) because the money-shot is the mother-load. And you can take that to the sperm bank cumming from a seaman like myself. If Turtles could dream about something other than gratis Miller Lite, this is what he (they?) would dream.

SUCH AN S.W.

Apparently it's in poor form to use our true first names within the maniacal scribblings of this blog. Of course, this contributor would point out the physiques of the other two contributors as examples of poor form, but you knowwwwwwwww...



Phil is to Sticky as Iggy Pop is to Duckett. It's the fishiest SAT conundrum of all-time.

QUEEN WILHELMINA AND THE STAGECOACH PHONIES.

LT! co-anchor Happy Duckett has a lucrative side-business, like those people on the 3 a.m. commercials who all work from home and earn six grand a week (yeah, it's called drug dealing, it's great). Anyway, he's in a band, or something. Maybe not so much a band as a wandering troupe of various circus acts that carry around musical instruments and trick club owners into booking them for a set, yo. But it's lucrative, to the tune of a couple dozen dollars a month. In your face, stupid club owners. For booking information, call toll-free (401) 789-4994 and ask for Amanda. Make that Mr. Amanda.

POGO SHTICK.

It's pogo week down here at the LT! staff offices. And let's celebrate with someone else's failure.




Tell the last kid that this is how you stick(that's industry talk for pogo sticking).

JUST MIGHT WANNA HAND OVER THAT BALLSACK NOW, YOU WON'T BE NEEDING THOSE ANYMORE.

It's tough to lose a wrestling match. It's even tougher in front of a big crowd. Worse, when the opponent does a ridiculous back-flip and takes your silly little tush to the mat for the win.

SKATE BOARD 1, SWEET BROSKI 0

You could easily walk up to this kid, give him daps and say "What's the happs bro?"


Broken Skateboard Has Last Laugh

I love how everyone here has a good laugh at this kid's expense. And what does this kid say after he lands? What the fuckin' a-hole? I have to start using that.

JUST IN TIME FOR MINI CAMP.

Sweet board shorts Pete...

KOBE, TELL ME HOW MY ASS TASTE?

Well, Shaq has outdone himself again. It's the Kobe dis freestyle. The verse not only holds multiple Kobe dis lines, but lines like "That's like you saying to yourself your better than me." Right. I get it.

shaq freestyle (Kobe Dis)
Uploaded by skaybn

WHAT AWARD DID THE TORNADO WIN AT THE OSCAR AWARDS? BEST SUPPORTING WALL CLOUD

If you don't want to hit Papelbon in the nuts after watching this video, then you yourself are too good to be logging on to localtuna. For the rest of us, don't forget to get Del Carmen as well. The video is played during a rain delay at Fenway Park featuring Papelbon and Del Carmen doing a lipsync (funny) of "Blame It on the Rain" by Milli Vanilli. And that's the sound of your IQ dropping.

TOP FOUR RENDITIONS OF "TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME"

4.
Devin Hester sings exactly how you imagined, like he just got back from Mrs. D's room, where all the special kids go to learn after lunch time.





3.
First, Danika Patrick is not attractive. If you disagree, stop. Get your life together, and come talk. Now, back to the clip. I think she really nails the entire song. When she gets to "root-root-root for the Cubbies" it really ties the whole thing together. You can tell she's a big fan, just out to have a good time.





2.
Ozzie's wife Sharon is a leech. Enough. Anyway, this could easily be me after the Celtics game last night. Little bit tipsy. Found a little nook right next to the entertainment center to take a quick nap. Maybe took a little pee there too.






1.
William Hung wins. Anyone who can sneak the word penis into a song goes to the top of the list. Making a penis joke gets you into the top of any list. Well, localtuna lists.

HEI-DI! HEI-DI! HEI-DI! HEI-DI! HEI-DI!

LOCALTUNA STAFF UPSET WITH WILLIE'S DEMISE.

Find them in the crowd!

THANKS, PLEASE DRIVE THROUGH TO THE SECOND WINDOW AND RECEIVE A PUNCH IN THE FACE.

100TH POST!!!!!!

I'm honored to be the author of this splendiverous, monumenterous post. True: cockpit lockbox is hooked on The Office. False: He is not Dwight Schrute. Sorry, had to get that in, and I wasn't aware we were dropping first names. So how many white people have to try dunking a basketball before they realize it is a bad idea? Apparently, too many. These videos were found back to back on the main page of break.


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So not only does he ding up his daddy's bumper, but he misses the dunk, breaks the hoop, and injures himself. Nice one dude.


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AND MY CAT CAN MOO!

True: there's nothing sexier than a tight little sandshark with 'tude. And that's officially my queerest thought ever. False. This video is unsettling in the same way an un-banded hardshell deuce down the back of Sam's low-rise cargo shorts is unsettling. Okay dokay, ben have jokay. And jokay n' jokay n' jokay...



Part 2 of this is a map of Champlin's Seafood. Scratch that. It's really an expression of pure, unadulterated joy. So nothing like Champlin's. Ughh. Welcome back.

CATCHER LETS UMP GET HIT WITH BALL, PROBABLY DESERVED IT.

Here's the scoop. Umpire, David Scott, was calling a bullshit zone all game, and the punk was thrown at. This was after calling out nine Stephens County (LET'S GO FISCHER CATS!) batters in a row on strikes. And you want to know why he was thrown at? Fuck You, that's why. From wsbradio.com;

The umpire who was hit during a championship baseball game in Stephens County is cautiously reacting to the incident. David Scott told Channel Two Action News, "It came as a surprise, disbelief more than anything. I'd say the video pretty much speaks for itself. Other than that, I really don't have anything to say about it. I'm currently under a doctor's care and still waiting for all the results to be evaluated."

Scott's attorney says they're waiting for that medical evaluation to determine if they will take any legal action.

Earlier this week, the Georgia High School Association levied a $1,000 fine against the Stephens County high school and put the school's athletics program on severe warning status.

Stephens County Principal David Friend called the punishment "fair" and said he was very disappointed in his players’ behavior in the championship game.

The catcher in the incident, Matt Hill, had been invited to walk on for the Gordon College baseball team. The coach of that team has since rescinded the offer.

LET'S DO THIS!!!!!!!

The Red Sox and the Rays brawl in all it's glory, once again.



In memorial, let's take a look back at another Red Sox classic. Pete.

LORD STANLEY FALLING DOWN ON THE JOB

They sure don't make them like they used to. The close up shot of the Canadian hockey player trying to fix the situation is the best. Its like the old guy who knocks something over in an antique shoppe then tries to put it back together, only to fail miserably and walk away like nothing happened. Only this time 20,000 people witnessed it.


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MIKE AWESOME

With a name like Mike Awesome, you would think he would never make a fool of himself. Unfortunately, he is a professional wrestler. Also unfortunate, the fact that he has to wear those little slippers. Just watch.


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THE DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK...SO WHAT THE FUCK YOU KNOW BOUT IT BITCH?!?

Oh, holy God is this great. Best mom ever. No offense Mom.



I have some theories about this scene, the most provocative of which is that the old woman with the white hair set the whole thing up because the young girl was having a lesbian affair with her teacher. And then mom found out. But what really happened? I bet the teacher called the girl the "c" word. And by that I mean "cheerleader".

WHAT'S THAT SPELL?? ORAL SURGERY!!