CHRIS BERMAN SHITS ON HIS CREW.

So we're not sure why this has taken 8 years to get on the internet, but it's an instant classic. I think Chris might be a little upset.

TOMMY HEINSOHN LOVES MILLER LITE.

As we all know, the best commercials in the Super Bowl are always the beer ads. And we also know that Celtics announcer Tommy Heinsohn, legendary Celtic player/coach, is an alcoholic. So the two just go hand-in-hand in this commercial. Tommy also screams at a ref, so my day is pretty much done.

LAURENCE MARONEY; EVERYTHING WE HOPED.

Laurence Maroney has now reached legend status, it may even trump the Starbury and this is even before Sunday's big game. Laurence "Kool-Aid" Maroney, famous for his face-book saying "...'bout time we got some construda..." and showing up at practice with his personalized Kool-Aid sweatshirt, is going into the footwear market. Reebok is releasing a Kool-Aid line of shoes, sweatshirts, t-shirts and caps. Reebok claims the line to be an "instant classic." Which, I can't find one good reason to disagree with. And now, once you think this couldn't get better, the real kicker(totally intended)... they will have the sweet and fruity scents of Kool-Aid are built right into the shoe. Probably smells pretty similar to my shoes. Actually mine smell like localtuna.

The first installment will launch on February 1st in three great flavors: Grape, Cherry and Strawberry.The colorful collection comes in kids and men sizes ranging from $50-$75 for the sneakers and $28-$65 for the accessories.The final installment of the collection drops in April with three additional flavors: Lemonade, Lemon-Lime and Orange.

CARL LEWIS'S STAR-SPANGLED BANNER... 14 YEARS AGO.

Let's take the time to remember a great moment in sports which took place just over 14 years ago. January 21, 1993 was the day Carl Lewis, perhaps the 20th century's most underrated athlete, treated a packed house in East Rutherford, N.J., to his rendition of the national anthem. I consider it one of the most memorable moments in Nets history.

I have an audio clip, as well as a shortened video clip. Both contain Carl's amazing "Uh-oh" and "I'll make up for it now" ad-libs. You might also remember Derrick Coleman, a man once accused of pissing in the middle of a restaurant, hiding under his warmup jacket in embarrassment. All quality material.

God Bless the U.S.A.

RAJON RONDO PLANTING THE SEEDS.

Rajon Rondo laid the looks of a young A.I. last night with the Celtics chastisement of the Miami Heat, 117-87. This was without KG and Ray Allen. And Paul Pierce only had 7 points! So are the Celtics that good or are the HEAT that bad? Don't forget to put Leon Poe on your roster, with his 25 pts(9-13FG, 7=9FT), and 11 rebs. Actually. this will never happen again.

BATTLE OF THE WEEK!

WHAT TOOK SO LONG?

This is a canned burger. Wow. Buy One Here. I've got three on the way. I'm real proud of us, humans. Greatest achievement of all time. What I'm saying is; what took so long?

WHERE ARE ALL THE POLLS? GOLDEN SHOWERS?

Well here we are, again sitting around waiting for a new poll. Well in the mean time you can sit here and enjoy this. Take a look at Osi Umenyiora's profile page on this site, and check out the info in the trivia section. Interesting reading. Seems to have an interest in water sports. And by that, I mean Golden Showers.

PINK PARTS

I think this is right in line with the intellect of our readers.



courtesy of The Perry Bible Fellowship

WHO WINS... RHODE ISLAND RAMS VS. MIAMI HEAT?

And the game will be played at American Airlines Arena. Oh and both teams will be down a player, the HEAT losing Shaq and the Rams still playing without Olawali Alesh. We all know the Rams struggle without ummm... the guy from Roots.

Are the HEAT really that bad? The losers of 15 straight? At this point I think it might actually be a good idea to have Pat Riley throw on a jersey, because it looks like 18 straight, if they don't get past the Pacers. Right after that they then play Boston and Orlando on back to back nights. Looks as if d.wade might want to get back to full form.

 

IS THIS A FOUL?

I've seen Kobe complain about a lot of fouls, but he never would do this...maybe if the ref was a women and she hadn't made him some bacon and eggs.

WHEN TONY ALLEN SAYS, "GLAD THAT WASN'T MY ASS." ACT 2.

Watch the little guy, in black shirt, on the bottom of the screen go running by for a good look at this one...

THIS COULD HAVE ENDED BETTER.

These kids are idiots. First of all they should change the music from the Mission Impossible theme song playing in the background to Andy Kim's "Rock me Gently", from that Jeep commercial. And I'll play the part of the coyote. Second, the name of this video on youtube is 'Men doing chin-ups at top of Crane with NO security'. Can we call these guys men? Looks more like a couple boy scouts earning a merit badge. I think "too bad they didn't have sweaty palms"(ZING!) is more appropriate. But really, this video makes me afraid to get off this stool I'm sitting on. And I am talking about poop.

LARRY BROWN MIGHT BE LOSING IT.

Larry Brown gave another shot at the nuts of the New York Knicks, like they needed it, by saying there were "spies" at the arena while he was coach:

Brown accused the Knicks of having "spies throughout the arena" during his one season with the team in a story in the February issue of 'Philadelphia' magazine. "Imagine when you get to work, they don't talk to you," he said. "They had security people standing close to me in press conferences, and spies throughout the arena."

LINK ESPN.COM

What were they spying on? If the answer is "how much we sucked" then you're spot on.

THE 5 WIMPIEST SPORTS INJURIES OF ALL-TIME.

Making the most of my time in the library, I stumbled into this gem. The 5 Wimpiest Pro Sports Injuries of All-Time. No LT, but we can still read it.

WHEN TONY ALLEN SAYS, "GLAD THAT WASN'T MY ASS." ACT 1.

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Dudes Leg Snaps During A Jump Shot - Watch more free videos


Just imagine the autistic-basketball-superhero watching this at home and thinking "I could have hit that shot... what a pussy." Except, when you say it out loud to yourself, be sure you drool a little and add a slur.

CARL IS BACK AGAIN!

So once again Carl is back and let me tell you, he's pissed. But, when mentioning his "boys" he omits the legendary Zak DeOssie. DeOssie, son of Steve DeOssie who was on the Giants' Super Bowl XXV championship team, deserves to among Carl's "boys". DeOssie even made six tackles last game, wait no, I meant to say six tackles... this year. DeOssie recently had an interview on WEEI in which they congratulated him on making it to the super bowl in his first year, he deserves it, he put in a lot of hard work, congratulations on a good season, he should disown his father, blah blah. Zak, I made six tackles today. Except replace tackles with gin and tonics, and then replace today with this morning. Well, enjoy.

>>>>>>> LOCAL TUNA!

So once again we meet our selves with a disappointment. PATHETIC... The Butt/Nut may strike the crowd as funny, but as we all know it's just a chance to make up for years of potpie(sitting on the couch smoking weed) knowledge. Seriously we're all sad for him. LET'S HERE STAT'S!!!!!! 1450?

L O C A L T U N A ! IS COMING... tilt your head back.

LOCAL TUNA! will be up and running soon. Daily posts with fantasy sports guru/butt-nut Ben. Waiting on his arrival anytime now, anytime... featuring inside looks at top players in top leagues and you heard it here first, multi-sport trades. I think we'll start with fantasy golf to fantasy college basketball(currently have Wen-Chong Liang with Chris Watson of those crazy Delta Devils, on the trading block.)